I feel the guilt inside of myself as I know I have neglected my body… the sanity of my mind and the deepness of my soul….How can I get out of this vicious circle? Get on your mat and stop self-pitying yourself and start loving yourself!
I have indulged in excessive dramas in my life, became a ‘drama queen’ and hence connected always with people, who have fuelled the dramas and have brought out the worst in me.. As an addiction always returning and not being able to cure myself from treating myself without any respect and dignity.. The side of myself, which is hidden deep inside of me and comes out when I cannot bear the weight on my shoulders and burn out… the need to burst after endlessly pleasing everyone and afraid of being judged and frowned upon..not being good enough and being accepted.
I am sure that many of you know what I am speaking of.. We do things sometimes we are definitely not particularly proud of and it takes even longer to be forgiven, but not forgotten and surely it will take longer to forgive yourself…
Yoga has helped me in the past year to let go of guilt, which was more a manifestation of my ego, growing even bigger with every sale I completed, more money I earned and the more successful I became…and the fear to be endlessly judged as a ‘bad’ person and a failure.. One day you realize that this is not ‘it’. Life should be more than that!
I let go of a non-functional marriage, of a family that loved their prejudices and high judgments first before being humane and accepting me… and a career, which didn’t serve me as a ’being’ rather another nice item on my CV…
Finally I freed myself from unwise decisions I have made without listening to my heart, my inner voice… It was painful and lonely from time to time… But I grew stronger and started standing on my ‘four corners of my feet’… every day on my mat and saluting the sun to let my light shine bright and sharing this light with every fellow yogi…. Ahimsa = non-violence, not only towards others, but also towards yourself and finding the compassion and kindness for yourself… without having to struggle, be punished and judged upon..
The hardest thing I have ever learned with the help of Yoga. Because we have been taught to be strong and showing no weakness as it can be used against us…
Try it out! Start on your mat and ‘handle yourself with care’! Not pushing, not competing… just loving and accepting yourself :) Be a warrior of light!